Friendship
by pamy
Summary: A collection of oneshot of the relationship between Faith and Buffy. No slash. Friendship only. Please review. Bad summary I know.
1. Grateful

**I have no idea where this idea came from. It just popped in my head. It's a collection of oneshots about the friendship between Faith and Buffy. **

**I don't own Buffy. Never have never will. ( I would like to own Angel though. To bad i can't.)**

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**Grateful**

**Faith POV**

The first time you see her you instantly know who she is. Buffy the slayer. Your sister-in-arms.

You have heard dozen of stories about her. You know everything there is to know. She does not know who you are. She does not care.

And you look at her and you see she has it all.

A perfect life. Great friends. A boy that likes her. A watcher that would die for her. A mother that loves her.

All the things you never had. All the things you'll never have.

And you want it. You want it all. You want everything in her life to be yours. Especially her safety. You want it. She is not a sharer. She does not like you.

You know this from the moment you meet her.

And you know you are different. Like light and dark. Day and night. Complete opposites of each other. Perhaps that is a good thing. You'll complete each other. You'll work great as a team.

But deep down you know you can't work together with her. You don't work in a team. You're not good at it. You've never tried it.

Perhaps you should. But she is so possessive. As if you'll take everything away from her. You won't.

_and you ignore the fact that for a moment you did want her life. It doesn't matter. – _

But the second she looks at you outside that hotel. When you tell her the story of your watcher you see something in her eyes. It's not pity (which is what you thought it would be). It's understanding. It's pain.

'_First rule of slaying Faith. Don't die!'_

She makes it sound like it's simple. Like that's all there is to it. And for a moment you wonder how many times she has told herself this. And for a moment you wonder about her life. How many things she has gone trough.

At the end of the day you sit in the bronze next to her. And for the first time you talk. Really talk. And you think perhaps you can get along.

And she looks at you. And you know what she is thinking about. About everything that has happened in your life. About everything that has happened to you. But you don't want to talk about it.

And she asks you if you want to drink something. And you smile.

And you hear all the things she doesn't say.

_I'm sorry I couldn't help you. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you. I'm sorry I couldn't safe your watcher. I'm sorry. _

But she doesn't say them. And for that you are grateful.


	2. Walk away

**Walk away**

**Buffy POV  
**

I am sorry.

It's three simple words. But it could be so much more.

You never thought much about it. You have apologized. You have. But with Faith it is different. Perhaps it's because you are both slayers. Perhaps because you are so different from each other.

Perhaps it's because it doesn't mean anything.

You didn't like her at first. It had nothing to do with her specificly. But with her place in the world. The slayer. The one who came after Kendra. Kendra was your friend. Faith is different.

But after that first day you tried. You wanted to give her your life. Share it with her. And it goes well. At first. Until that stupid watcher arrived.

And now you stand her. Well you're standing. She's lying on her bed. But the point is the same. You both try to forget what has happened. You try to forget that for one moment you stood on opposite sides of each other. You try to forget it was each other you fought.

But it's not that easy.

The words are out of your mouth before you can stop them. _'I am sorry.' _She looks at you for a second. You see pain in her eyes. You want to walk forward. Sit down on the bed and talk to her. You want to tell her you're there for her.

But you do not.

' _I am sorry.' _You say. It's the first time it is said out loud between the to of you. But it doesn't mean a thing. Because it can't change anything.

Because they are not really sorry. Because they both think they were right. And from their point of view they are both right.

And you want to stay and forget it all. You want to talk with her. Share your feelings. Your pains.

But you do not.

Instead you walk away. Leaving in the air all the things you could have said. All the things you should have said.

Leaving you to wonder (years after this happened) if you had said those things, what would have happened. Would things perhaps have been different. Would things perhaps have been better.

But you'll never know.

Because in the end you walked away.


	3. Christmass 1

**Christmas**

**Faith POV**

Once you liked Christmas. Once when you still had a family. When there was somebody on the world that cared. When there was somebody that loved you.

But that time has long since passed.

And you want somebody to love you. You see the lights everywhere. You see the trees. And you want it. And you think of Buffy. And you know she will have it all. And for a moment you want to go to her. You want to spend Christmas with her. If only to be with somebody.

But you don't go. Because you haven't talked in weeks. Because you know she doesn't like you.

And then suddenly she was there. And you know her mother send her. You know it's not her that invites you. But as you look at each other. At that moment you look each other in the eye. And you see something there.

Perhaps she would want you there.

But you don't want to admit you are all alone. You don't want to admit that there is nobody that cares. So you make up a face party. And she just accepts it. Perhaps she doesn't see to your lie. Perhaps she doesn't care. Perhaps she sees that you don't want to talk about this.

You change your mind the second she steps out the door.

And for a split second you want to run after her. Tell her you'll be there. Beg her to care for you. But you are not desperate. You really aren't.

_(Christmas eve)_

You lie on your bed. You try to ignore that it is Christmas. You try not to think of lights and trees and presents. You try not to think of the fact you could be celebrating right now.

But it's hard. Everywhere you look you see it's that time of year. And when they start talking about Christmas on the news you can't ignore it anymore. And before you know it you're walking on the street. You know where you're going but you can't just show up.

In the end you buy the first thing you see. And you just show up at her door. And you see the surprise in her eyes. But she doesn't tell you off. Instead she actually looks happy you are there. And when she tells you she has a gift for you you're heart jump.

There is somebody that cares enough to buy a gift for you.

And you want to say I am sorry. But you know it will be meaningless. So instead you offer the gift. As a peace offer. A way to forget what has happened. An unspoken truce. You will never speak of the last couple of months again.

But now you stand in front of each other. And you care. You are different. You know. She is light. You are darkness. She is white. You are black.

But at that moment neither cares.

And when the snow falls from the skies you know this is the best Christmas of your life.


	4. Christmas 2

**Christmas**

**Buffy POV  
**

You have always loved Christmas. The lights. The decorating of the tree. The diner with your family. The giving of gifts. And most importantly the getting of gifts.

You never really thought about the meaning of Christmas. But now as you stand her in the hotel room in front of Faith you realize. Christmas is all about forgiving. And you should try. And you want her to come you really do.

But when she tells you no you do not push. Instead you just walk away.

But you buy her a gift. You don't really know why. You don't even really know what you should get her. Because you don't really know her. You feel like you should. After all you are both slayers. You should know about each other.

But you don't. You are to different.

And when she stands in front of your door you are happy. Happy she came. Happy you can try again. Because you have missed her. You feel that if you try you could be real friends. Just like you and Kendra had been. You share so much after all.

And you want to try. And you want to work.

And when she offers you the gift you know what she means. Let's try again. Let's leave the past behind us and start again.

You are different. But at that moment it doesn't matter.

And when you tell her you have a gift for her, her face lights up. A smile appears on her face. And you wonder how long it has been since somebody has showed her that they cared.

And you promise yourself you will try harder.

And when the snow falls you know this is the best Christmas ever. _(That could also have something to do with Angel at your side.)_


	5. Friendship

**Friendship**

**Faith POV**

You have never had a friend. Not a true friend.

And now suddenly you have a lot of friends. Or at least people that like you. Buffy is a true friend though. You do not know how you suddenly became such good friends.

Perhaps it's because you are both slayers. Perhaps it's because you are so different.

In the end it doesn't matter. You are friends.

She talks to you. She laughs with you. She likes hanging out with you. And you wonder what your life would have been like if you had always known her. If she had always been there for you. Would your life have been different? Would you be different?

And you try to show her how you to have fun. You think she is to serious. To uptight. And you try not to listen to the logical sight of your brain that tells you that one of you has to be reasonable. One of you has to be serious.

That's the only way for the balance to hold. She has fun. Buffy picks up the slack. And yet you try to show her. It is your way of telling her you love her. Your way of thanking her.

You are different. And perhaps that is a good thing.

**Buffy POV**

Being friends with Faith was different then you would have thought. And yet it is fun.

You try to mix her in your world. Because you know she is all alone. She has no family. No friends. She only has you. you and your world. So you try to include her as much as you can. You even took her to homecoming. And you know that she likes it. Because she smiles when you include her.

And you understand her. You understand her as much as you understand yourself. After all you are both slayers.

You are friends.

And she tries to show you how she has fun. And you have to admit it has it's perks. It's nice to just let go for one night. But you know this is Faith's thing. One of you has to be responsible. And that person has to be you. It has to be you because it has always been you. it has to be you because this is who you are.

And she is not responsible. It's just who she is.

You are the complete opposite of each other. That's a good thing. That way there is balance. You are responsible. She plays around.

You are different. And that's a good thing.


	6. one second

**This is set during Bad girls. When Faith stabs the guy. But before the end of the episode. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own Buffy. Don't own Faith. **

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**One second**

_**Faith POV**_

One second. Just one second.

That's how long it took. Just one second. It couldn't have been longer. Just one second was all it took to destroy your life. Everything you fought so hard for.

It wasn't your fault.

It wasn't. You didn't see him coming. B didn't see him coming. It wasn't your fault. You didn't mean to kill him. You didn't.

It was an accident.

You have to forget about it. But you can't. Every time you close your eyes you see him again. Your hands are covered in blood. Blood you can never wash out again.

You didn't know.

That he would show up. That he would be there. You were under attack. You thought he was a vampire. You didn't know. How could you have known?

One second.

That's all it took. To destroy your life. You can't stand to look B in the eyes. You are afraid of what you will see in them. You had to hid the body. She doesn't understand but you had to. You are the slayer. You have to protect the world. You can't do that in jail.

It wasn't your fault. It was an accident.

You didn't know.


	7. That is the moment

**The moment**

She didn't know.

She couldn't have. You didn't know either. You both tough it was a vampire. She didn't know he was a human. An innocent. But that doesn't change what happened. It doesn't change what you have to live with.

She killed him.

You close your eyes. You can't stop seeing his face. You feel dirty. You look at your hands and you swear there is blood on them. There isn't. This wasn't your fault. It wasn't her fault either. It was an accident. You can't sleep. You can barely breath.

She must be going crazy.

It was just a second. That's how long it took. It was over before either one of you really realized what had happened. You look at yourself in the mirror. It could have been you. In another time. In anther place. It would have been you. But it wasn't..

It was her.

You know you have to go to her. You know you need to talk about this. You need to decide what to do next. But you're afraid. You're not afraid of her, she would never hurt you. You're just afraid to go to her. Because you don't know what to do. And you don't know what to say.

'_Faith you don't get it. You killed a man!' 'No. You don't get it. I don't care.'_

Silence.

You stare at her. You can't believe she has just said that. You imagined it. You heard her wrong. She can't have meant what you thought she meant. She can't have meant it. You look her in the eyes. Waiting for her to break down. Scream, something.

She doesn't.

She turns away from you without another word. You try to look for the right words. You know you should say something. You just don't know what. You look at her back. Willing her to turn around. She doesn't. It's like you're not even there.

You turn around and walk away.

And you know. When you think about this moment years later, you know. You know this is the moment. This is the moment where it all changed. This is the moment when you could have saved her. You should have said something. You should have stayed.

That was the moment that mattered.

But you didn't stay. You said nothing. You didn't save her. And for years to come you will feel guilty. Because you know you could've. You just didn't.

Instead of saving her you just walked away. And you never looked back.

You should have looked back.


	8. Difference

Difference

You are different.

Very different from each other. You never truly thought about it. Sure you noticed it, but you never thought about it. After all everybody is different. You saw only were you were the same. You were both slayers. Both destined to be good.

Now you wonder if that was truth.

The moment she killed that man everything changed. It was an accident. You know it was. And yet everything changed. She changed. She became darker. You never talked about it. Not after that disastrous moment on the docks.

That's when the differences started to scare you.

It took you weeks before you could sleep again. Without seeing his face. Every time you look at your hands you swear there is blood on them. And yet she acts as if nothing has happened. As if she didn't kill a man.

You try to ignore it.

But after a while it doesn't work anymore. The cracks start to show. And you realize what she's doing. She evil. She's working for the mayor. And you wonder if you had talked to her. If you had tried harder, if you could have saved her.

But it is to late for that now. Everything has changed.

She is different now.


	9. No way back

No way back

You don't know how it happened.

You have no explanation for it. No excuse. The only thing you have is the truth. The truth is you were afraid. When Buffy showed up at your door the day after and tried to talk to her, all you wanted was to poor your heart out. Let her help you.

But you couldn't help but think.

One second. That's all it took to change everything. It could have been her. And you wonder, if it had been her would you have tried? Would you have talked to her? Would you have cared? No. You wouldn't have. You would have left her to deal with it on her own.

So you turn her down.

Thinking she isn't being sincere. She doesn't want to help you. It isn't until you see the look in her eyes that you realize you were wrong. She wants to help you. She does care about you. But you don't want to ask for help.

So you let her walk away.

But that doesn't explain why you turned to evil. The truth is you couldn't sleep. B. was right. You kept seeing his face wherever you went. And you didn't want that. You wanted his face to go away. Evil doesn't feel. They just kill without feeling. Without caring.

So you turned to the mayor.

Thinking it would all go away. But you were wrong. The faces stayed behind to haunt you. But you could ignore them now. You could. So you never turn back to good. You never change your mind.

It takes you a while before you realize.

It isn't until you're sitting in front of her. With a knife on her throat. That you truly realize. You can't change what you've done. You've chosen a bad a now you have to follow it trough. You can't go back.

So you give her a kiss.

Hoping she'll realize that you're just lost. Trying to make it in a world you don't understand. With feelings you should have never had. Things that you should have never done. You throw the knife on the ground and run away.

She doesn't follow you. And you never turn around.

There is no way back.


	10. Give up

Give up (Choices)

There's a line.

It divides good from evil. It states which actions are acceptable and which are not. Once you cross that line, there is no way back. The past can't be undone. It used to be clear. Demons on one side, slayer on the other.

And than he died.

He died and Faith crossed the line. And everything changed. Now it's two slayers. Standing in front of each other, against each other. At opposite sides of the line. One good. One evil. This isn't how it is supposed to be. You're supposed to stand on the same side.

You're supposed to be both good.

But she went and changed the rules. And now everything is different. There is no room for second chances. No room to think about what you've done. Faith made her choice, and now she follows it trough. You're eyes meet a couple of times.

Buffy thinks she sees longing in it.

Faith thinks she sees hate in it.

Neither one says a word. And then comes that moment. When Faith throws the knife to save Wesley. To save her watcher. And your ayes meet again. And for a second, just a second it seems as if Faith will cross the line again. Away from evil. Back to good.

The mayor calls behind her. And the moment is over. She turns around and walks away. Buffy watches her go and makes no attempt to stop her. Faith never turns around again.

The truth hurts. And the truth is that a slayer crossed a line that shouldn't be crossed. And she can't find her way back. And nobody helps her.

They just give up.


	11. Graduation day pt 1

The moment (Graduation)

_Buffy (pov)_

You never thought she would do that.

You truly never thought she would hurt one of you. Perhaps it was naïve from you. Perhaps you were losing your mind. But you truly never thought she would hurt one of you. You thought the slayer in her would stop her. But as you watch Angel go down in front of you it hits you.

You were wrong. She has hurt you.

You don't know at first if she intentionally missed the heart. For a while you believed that. That she wanted the Mayor to think she'd hurt you. But she missed, and a slayer rarely misses. But then it turns out it's poison and you know.

She did it to hurt you.

You never wonder if she knows there's a cure. Or what that cure is. You never think about the consequences of your actions. You have to save Angel. She is the one that took it this far.

She shot. You will stab.

Faith (pov)

You truly never thought it would come to this.

Even as she shows up in your apartment. Even as she says she'll kill you. You never thought she'd actually do it. She never had that in her. She was good. Pure good. You wanted to be like her. To feel like her. After you lost yourself you wanted to destroy her.

You're only distracted for a second.

But it's long enough to change both of you. The knife goes in without a second's pause. Your eyes meet and you both know. Neither one of you thought it would come this far. Neither one of you thought it would happen.

You take a step back.

She stares at you in shock. You just stand there staring at each other. 'You did it. You killed me.' You don't know why you say it. You can never explain, not even to yourself, what made you take that step backward. What made you fall of the roof.

You wonder.

If a part of you didn't want this to happen. For her to kill you. For you to be free. Free of the guilt that is starting to come up. Free of the nightmares and the ghosts.

You'll never truly know.


	12. Graduation day pt 2

Dream

'_They are never going to fix this, are they?'_

Faith is not even completely sure what she's talking about, whether it's about the apartment itself or her (lost) friendship with Buffy. She doesn't think it really matters, doesn't think it ever will. After all she's in a coma or dead, and she's never going down to earth, so what doe either of those things matter? What does the house matter, it doesn't. She doesn't turn around to look at Buffy, wants to tell her she doesn't blame her, it's not her fault. But she doesn't, it's just a dream after all, it will never really matter.

'_What about you?'_

'_Scar tissue. It fades. It all fades.' _

Buffy wishes that this was truth, that eventually it will all fade away. The scar tissue might, someday she might simply look like (her) Faith again. But not everything fades, she should know. Sometimes she can still see her lost friends in her dreams, sometimes she still feels the sword in her hand, sees Angel's shocked face. Sometimes (though she'll deny this forever) she looks at Angel and sees Kendra lying dead on the floor.

The scar tissue might fade, eventually at least. But not everything will.

'_You want to know the deal? Human weakness – never goes away. Not even his.' _

Faith's not sure why she said that, she's not even aware she's said it until it's to late. She thinks it's the part of her that's good, the part that wants Buffy to forgive her. The part that wants to help, that somehow wants to make a difference. Now that it's to late, she wants to help, she wants to be there.

'_I this your mind or mine?'_

'_Beats me. Does it matter?' _

'_Getting towards that time.' _

They both knew it, since the moment they began this awkward conversation, they knew it wouldn't last. This world, this dream, whatever this was, it wasn't meant to go on forever. This dream like world was only meant for one of them, one of them could disappear, one of them could go back. They weren't meant to exist in the same space together, it simply wouldn't work out. Buffy was meant to go back to earth, finish what she stared. Faith was meant to stay, heal, accept what she had done.

Except that she wasn't sure she ever could.

'_How are you going to fit all this stuff?'_

'_Not gonna. It's yours.' _

'_I can't use all of this!'_

'_Just take what you need.'_

Faith wants Buffy (her sister-in-arms) to have everything she owned. She was pretty sure that (apart from the weapons) there was nothing Buffy could use, nothing that Buffy could want. Still she wants her all to have it, no matter how little she actually takes. Buffy's pretty sure she doesn't want anything, she could never take anything that belongs to Faith. She'll never take anything, she'll store it all away, make sure nobody else can take it either.

In case Faith someday wakes and wants it all back, it is hers after all.

_Faith reaches her right hand up to touch Buffy's cheek. _

'_You're ready?' _

Buffy is awake instantly, trying to take in her surroundings, figuring out where she is. She wonders if it was all a dream, or if perhaps in some way she and Faith had really talked. Slowly she gets out of her bed and begins to walk around. She knows Faith is her, she knows it, she can feel it.

She looks at her, the girl that could have been her, and thinks that perhaps this coma is exactly what Faith needs. Softly she places a kisses on her forehead. The kiss is so many things; it's forgiveness (at least partly) for all she has done, it's an apology for what Buffy herself has done, it's a token of love to her sister.

And it's a goodbye, in so many ways, a goodbye forever.


End file.
